You are the Art.
Oh, the self-love epidemic that we are struggling with. We spend so much time proving we are self-loving when in actuality we are creating a cycle of self-loathing. I’m guilty!
They say your 20’s are your glory years. Your selfish years. We are encouraged to be selfish! Selfish with what boundaries though? Did we forget that we have the capability to hurt people if the result ultimately only benefits us?
Do not get me wrong although being selfish with your time is great to spend working out, reading a book…I would say the wrong use is always turning people down when they reach out to see you, deliberately not being honest because you “deserve to be selfish.” Make sense?
We associate self-love with selfish choices. Self-love is making HEALTHY choices. Self-love is choosing yourself every day even when you don’t believe you deserve it. Even people who say (and probably do!) they love themselves, struggle with this. It’s an emotional muscle, we consistently need to exercise.
What happens when we attempt to exercise this emotional muscle and it turns into the same shitty choices that got us here in the first place? We panic. Not only do we panic but we lose hope.
Choose to believe the better part of yourself. Choose to be the better part of yourself. You know what choice is the better choice. Choose the healthy choice not the selfish choice and you will win every time.
I’ve been told several times in the past couple months that I am the Art. I sat and thought about that – what did that mean? I didn’t feel captivating, infatuating, or beaming. In fact, I always feel a sense of uncertainty. I even consulted my therapist and begged her to diagnose me.
Her answer: Carissa, you are advanced.
When did I take that free-spirited part of me and look at it as a negative? Probably when my free-spirit led me to circumstances that I am not proud of. When my free-spirit led me to hurt people because of my selfish choice not my healthy choice. When my free-spirit led me to love people who could not love me the same way.
Choose yourself. Even the worst parts. They suck and you should keep yourself accountable but choose yourself and then forgive yourself. Every day.
You probably read this and figure – well duh. But it wasn’t a duh moment for me. It was anxiety attacks, lack of decent friends, and the lack of love and energy in my life that made me take a deeper look into myself. I self-reflect every day but how deep can you go?
Either way, I found parts of myself that I needed to forgive…parts that still make me cringe. Parts I would like to never share with anyone, not even my mom.
But D once wrote me a note and told me to choose the light and walk in the light. That I am the Art.
If he believes it, then why can’t I?
So – it begins, Welcome to my Story not just professionally but on a personal level.